17F I have a really good life so why do I still feel so bad?
My family adores me, I have good friends, I have always been a #1 student, I have never had any money issues in my life (God my family can afford to pay a private college for me and still live normally) so I don’t understand why I always feel so bad and depressed when some of my friends have worse problems than me
But I just can’t stop crying in the night or feeling empty and how much I’m going to waste my life and end up miserable and I already hate myself and my face and everything about me and even though I go to college it wasn’t in a degree I wanted, and I wanted to have a happy life with a husband and kids but even that idea has been disgusting me and it looks impossible for me
So now I end up pretending I’m happy and just bottling up my feelings when I’m actually depressed for being sad because I have no excuse to feel bad for anything
I hate this
Fidel Candelaria
@organicmouse983404
Fidel aus Nautla liebt es, lokale Cafés zu erkunden und frische Ideen für lebendige Communities zu entwickeln.
Only @organicmouse983404 can see everyone listening in. Visitors see a rotating sample.
Why reddit gotta be so strict with their rules? Let a woman post ffs
I need ^ to post. Please help a gal out x
#Triggerwarning MY VIVID LIFE and struggles.. idk how i survived
I don't know how much to write, but I could just tell that it's been a very painful life for me, I am only 23. I have experienced multiple forms of trauma, events, and disorders, I found it extremely difficult to have made it here. I think of myself as a kind, good person, and empathetic.
So how do I start? Let me go chronologically...
I had a marked change in my behaviour from about my 8th standard, I was around 13 i guess. by the age of 12 I had realised that there was something different with me, I was inclined towards boys, and I couldn't make sense of it. Before that I do not have any bad memories as such except of being bullied which was tolerable. ( a close cousin had committed suicide in this period), my parents had great fights and verbal arguments, my mother was suicidal and I came home to her crying always or looking at her sad phase, or went school to get bullied. I had my only girlfriend, my best friend of 4 years that I fell in love with, there were issues and it was on and off but it was my only solace.
By the 9th standard I became socially anxious - my hands would sweat, I wouldn't get up from the chair until the end of the school, I would worry that others are look
What helps you reset after a long or messy day
Nothing deep—just what helps you feel a bit more normal again. We all have those days where everything feels overwhelming and chaotic, and we need something to help us decompress and get back to baseline. For some people it's physical activity like a gym session or a walk. For others it might be creative activities like art, music, or writing. Some people find comfort in food, or in talking to a friend, or in just taking a bath and watching their favorite show. The important thing is having something that works for you, that signals to your mind and body that the chaos is over and you can relax now. What's your go-to reset button? Is it something you do intentionally to recover, or does it happen more naturally? How long does it usually take for you to feel back to normal? And do you have different methods depending on what kind of difficult day you had?
to go or not to go to a local club night
i used to party every weekend years back, made many friends along the way and felt like i was never alone, there was always someone I knew around. Met some people organizing events/djing but didnt go along the best way with them and now when I need to go and socialise as i felt i lost everyone and everything and get zero social contact otherwise, i am scared shitless. I am anxious to be there alone, I am anxious to see these people I had a weird time with before too. The space is very small and majority people know each other and what would I do when alone when out of the dancefloor?
Clubbing used to be the easiest time for me to befriend people but now it's so much harder. Also when i say clubbing, it's not traditional clubbing, it's small underground electronic music clubs where art kids go hang out and listen to some music. I dont know what happened to me but I got so paranoid over the years about my own perception to the point I can't just go socialise like a normal person. People tend to befriend each other when smoking but I don't smoke and I don't take drugs anymore either. These people from back then were telling our mutuals that I was weird and many people despite me not knowing them, know me. Sometimes they looked at me so mean for no reason. what do i do and how do i become a normal person again, how do i socialise without the need of using dating apps :(
A small moment that made my day
I stopped by a small café today just to kill some time Nothing special I ordered a coffee and sat by the window scrolling on my phone
At some point an older lady sat at the table next to me She smiled and said she liked my jacket We talked for maybe five minutes about random things the weather how busy the city feels lately nothing deep
Before leaving she wished me a good day and said Take care of yourself
I don’t know why but that simple sentence stayed with me the whole afternoon
It reminded me how small interactions can quietly mean a lot
Letting go became easier when I understood my own attachment patterns
I used to think letting go meant I didn’t care enough.
Now I see it differently.
A lot of what I called attachment was actually fear —
fear of silence, fear of uncertainty, fear of being overlooked.
Once I started paying attention to my own emotional patterns, things shifted.
I noticed when I was holding on out of habit instead of intention.
Understanding that didn’t make me colder.
It made things quieter in a good way.
I stopped forcing myself to stay connected out of anxiety.
If something stayed, it felt calmer.
If it didn’t, I understood why without spiraling.
This isn’t advice — just something I noticed after spending time observing my own reactions instead of judging them.
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