Silviana Rezende

Silviana Rezende

@greenfish465991 · Jan 10, 2026

I want to be better

I want to be a better person. I put a lot of value on my ability to be perceived as nice and kind, but when I'm worn down I have a propensity to just snap. The last few relationships and situationships I've had have ended irredeemably because I either snapped at the person when I perceived they were treating me badly for a while or I had a breakdown because I put them on an emotional pedestal and things weren't going the way I wanted them to or they pulled back from me. I really want to stop this, I can't place kindness and niceness as core parts of my identity and then abandon them when things are hard or I don't get my way, that just makes me a hypocrite.
I do have several mitigating factors, I am very mentally ill and have a long history of abandonment and trauma, but these things aren't excuses, and as much as being sick makes my behaviour understandable, it doesn't excuse it or mean that I can't control my actions.
I want to do better but I don't know how. I think I'm going to stop trying to date people for a while. I'm scared because I'm 25 and I really want to have kids, and it feels like I won't be able to have them within my ideal timeframe if I do stop trying and I don't

Silviana Rezende

@greenfish465991 · Jan 10, 2026

I genuinely resent my past self for being right wing and being so gullible

Around 2015 I had my “political awakening” I guess? My roommate and I were just edgelords for the sake of being edgelords. And I remember going down a whole rabbit hole of right wing content throughout college and just being probably an exhausting and unlikeable person.
I wouldn’t say I was racist, but I definitely enjoyed leaving internet strangers with the thought that I was? Like if I’d say anything that got someone to call me a racist I’d just claim that as some kind of victory for myself.
In my early twenties I was at my absolute worst, and became a strong Trump supporter (despite, idiotically, not even being American so at least I never voted for him).
I was obnoxious, I was sexist, I enjoyed getting a rise out of people over things I just didn’t understand or didn’t care to understand. And none of that was ok or acceptable.
There are no excuses here. Between ages 18 and about 23 (now 27) I was just a bad person. And things like what just happened in Minnesota make that honestly hard to live with and move forward with without feeling guilty. The fact I spent time trying to rationalise stuff like J6 and racist police shootings I just genuinely don’t know what the fuck was goin

Silviana Rezende

@greenfish465991 · Jan 10, 2026

i feel like i’m a better, happier person since leaving my family & hometown

A few years ago i moved rather far away from my family & hometown. I’ve noticed since leaving i feel not only happier in my day or day life but i feel i’m also now i better person. I’ve always had an unhealthy family dynamic. I don’t have any bond with my parents, grandparents or any extended family. My mother wasn’t much of wife to my dad nor a mother to us kids. My dad on the other hand likes to ignore problems. They divorced when i was 10, remarried, had more kids. I grew up poor. Never had a thing handed to me. I was considered the problem child. I had anger issues, i caused drama in my friend groups and jobs i had. I didn’t really ever care about school or life really. I was angry at the world. I told my family from a young age that i was getting out of there and moving far away. I remember being a child and praying to whatever god is out there that i’d wake up and the life i was given was a bad dream and i had a mom who acted like a mother, father who cared, we had a better house, money, because they did better in life and i was normal.
I moved away in my mid 20’s. I remember no one believed i was actually leaving when i told them. They kinda laughed at me told me i was being