Ida Christensen

Ida Christensen

@whitebird748710 · Jan 10, 2026

When people hatee i feel safe

When I was in 1st standard, students used to bully me regularly. Teachers didn’t like me either because I never listened to them. At home, my parents fought almost every day. There was shouting, anger, and tension all the time. After a while, I stopped reacting. I stopped crying. I stopped showing emotions. I told myself this is normal, this is just how life is.
After around one and a half months, I lost control of myself. My mother had cancer at that time. The doctor had prescribed two medicines before sleep: one normal tablet and one heavy tablet that makes you sleep deeply. I noticed this. One night, I hid the normal tablet. As expected, she took only the heavy one and fell asleep. My father came home late, so there was no fight that night. For the first time in a long time, I slept peacefully.
When the fighting started again on other days, I made a decision. If I couldn’t have peace at home, I would at least have peace at school.
So I changed myself on purpose. Instead of letting students bully me, I decided to give them a reason to hate me. I started talking to them disrespectfully. Sometimes I hit them intentionally, in front of others, so everyone would see. Teachers slapped

Ida Christensen

@whitebird748710 · Jan 10, 2026

I want to be better

I want to be a better person. I put a lot of value on my ability to be perceived as nice and kind, but when I'm worn down I have a propensity to just snap. The last few relationships and situationships I've had have ended irredeemably because I either snapped at the person when I perceived they were treating me badly for a while or I had a breakdown because I put them on an emotional pedestal and things weren't going the way I wanted them to or they pulled back from me. I really want to stop this, I can't place kindness and niceness as core parts of my identity and then abandon them when things are hard or I don't get my way, that just makes me a hypocrite.
I do have several mitigating factors, I am very mentally ill and have a long history of abandonment and trauma, but these things aren't excuses, and as much as being sick makes my behaviour understandable, it doesn't excuse it or mean that I can't control my actions.
I want to do better but I don't know how. I think I'm going to stop trying to date people for a while. I'm scared because I'm 25 and I really want to have kids, and it feels like I won't be able to have them within my ideal timeframe if I do stop trying and I don't

Ida Christensen

@whitebird748710 · Jan 10, 2026

Curious about trauma I never had

So I’ve never been abused or been in a toxic relationship but I like the idea of trauma of being hurt of being changed by something intense and painful I want to know what it’s like to be broken I know abuse is not okay and not smth anyone should wish for but still I want to experience smth that intense and it’s the fact that my mind keeps equating being hurt with being meaningful and I hate thinking that way

Ida Christensen

@whitebird748710 · Jan 10, 2026

Someone I work with constantly says “you either love me or hate me - I’m like marmalade”

She says it all the time with the most massive smile on her face and no one has corrected her yet.