Weird / wonderful experience with music
I'm 31 and I've been casually listening to music my whole life, occasionally I would be moved, but usually it was background noise. For the last couple months I've been listening to music, actively, with my full focus.
I have what is diagnosed as overactive bladder, so that all the time, to varying degrees of intensity it feels like I need to pee, I have a hard time handling it, there is a constant single in my brain telling me something is wrong.
I was listening to dvorak's 6th symphony and in discomfort and instead of thinking of the notes as something separate from me I began to think of them as part of an entire moment, the notes and my body forming one unit. And , for the first time in a long time, I didn't think of my body as "wrong", my body and the notes were the same thing, and the notes were beautiful so I was beautiful, I wasn't wrong. And I wept. It only lasted a few minutes and I don't expect to replicate a feeling that intense, but it was amazing to feel that way for a bit.
I was sober btw
Annina Blanc
@ticklishzebra979137
Makes everything we had just feel like nothing now.
Only @ticklishzebra979137 can see everyone listening in. Visitors see a rotating sample.
I feel useless
My entire life I’ve been overweight, it used to really bother me in like 7th and 8th grade, but i eventually learned to love myself for who I am and become the best version of myself just for me. I’m now in the absolute best shape in my life (I’m still definitely overweight but the improvement is visible) and recently I began taking some extra Physical Education classes to see just how much I’ve improved, and yet on every single run, I’ve come dead last. I feel all those years of self hatred rush back as I watch each of my classmates pass me by and I feel like all the effort I’ve put in has been for nothing. I’ll admit it’s not as bad as before, I used to feel like i shouldn’t even be alive, but the self hate is still there and I can’t see myself ever escaping it.
I waited 5 months to find my own doctor
This was one of the first times I truly advocated for myself medically.
I had severe abdominal pain that they had me wait 6 months to treat- I had to seek out my own surgeon who would listen to me.
I had a HIDA scan run at about 4 months (they finally caved and ran one) and my gallbladder was TOO active. My doctor who ordered it (also my gastrointestinal surgeon from a surgery 5 months prior) said that isn’t a thing and to tough it out, I must just be eating wrong or having an unusually hard time recovering from the first surgery.
My new general surgeon said that absolutely was a thing, wanted it out as soon as possible- I am a music director and had to tough it out one more week to get through my winter concert. I don’t work a job where I can easily be replaced. He had me in the day after the concert, pulled out my gallbladder (I had to get the IV in my foot 0/10, do not recommend), and guess what, my pain was gone as soon as I stopped processing the pain of that surgery!
Whodathunk.
If I had stayed with the original surgeon I’d probably still have my gallbladder and still be in that pain. And with my mental health, who knows where that would’ve taken me.
I feel a little asham
Listening
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