I am no better than my abusers.
TW: Mentions of mental health issues, suicide, self harm, and abusive behaviors.
I [19M] lost an entire group of online friends within the past two months. And after some therapy and rethinking over my actions, I realized that my actions were incredibly abusive.
I have very treatment-resistant Borderline Personality Disorder and a severe case of OCD. I've been diagnosed with both within 2024-2025. I am in therapy and on medication for both. But I'm barely seeing results. I dealt with abuse from family members growing up, with my grandmother and her now deceased husband being the main abusers.
It all started sometime in late April of 2025, where my closest friend of 6yrs had started talking about this one friend. We'll call my friend 'P' [19] and their friend 'B.' [26-27?]
For anyone who has BPD or is at least aware of it, someone with BPD can have a person in particular that they fixate on specifically, also known as an 'FP', or 'Favorite Person.' P was my FP for months, and still is to an extent. This is important to keep in mind.
P had started showing large amounts of platonic affection towards B in particular, to the point where B was all that P talked / posted about. It was bec
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