When people hatee i feel safe
When I was in 1st standard, students used to bully me regularly. Teachers didn’t like me either because I never listened to them. At home, my parents fought almost every day. There was shouting, anger, and tension all the time. After a while, I stopped reacting. I stopped crying. I stopped showing emotions. I told myself this is normal, this is just how life is.
After around one and a half months, I lost control of myself. My mother had cancer at that time. The doctor had prescribed two medicines before sleep: one normal tablet and one heavy tablet that makes you sleep deeply. I noticed this. One night, I hid the normal tablet. As expected, she took only the heavy one and fell asleep. My father came home late, so there was no fight that night. For the first time in a long time, I slept peacefully.
When the fighting started again on other days, I made a decision. If I couldn’t have peace at home, I would at least have peace at school.
So I changed myself on purpose. Instead of letting students bully me, I decided to give them a reason to hate me. I started talking to them disrespectfully. Sometimes I hit them intentionally, in front of others, so everyone would see. Teachers slapped
I can understand that feeling of safety in hate—it’s like a shield. When you’ve faced so much negativity at school and home, it’s easier to embrace hostility than to deal with deeper pain. It’s important to find a support system and break that cycle, though; you deserve peace.
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