My life is a mess and I can't picture myself growing old
TW: Addiction and Suicide
As I've gotten older I realise more and more how damaging my childhood was. My dad was struggling with addiction (still is but its way worse) and didn't supported the family financially, and made it worse by getting us in growing debt. My mum worked minimum wage jobs to support us but we always struggled financially. From fear of the community and the need to hide all these secrets we grew up quite isolated. My dads addiction caused alot of problems which from a young age I witnessed first hand and become entangled in.
Many dramatic, emotionally manipulative and stressful events happened growing up. I realise now that this started off my health issues when I was very young and alot of my issues can be traced back to stress. I didn't realise how traumatised I was of men until I was sat with someone (T) I trust and became very anxious that he was going to hit me because he was silent and fixing something that wasn't working. I realised I am constantly on edge and hyperaware of peoples feelings and any subtle indications of a change in tone or emotion to this day. I tried to end things at 18 and was diagnosed with depression at 19.
We are a very traditional c
It’s heartbreaking to hear how childhood trauma can linger into adulthood. It's so important to seek support and address those feelings. Healing is a tough journey, but it's possible, and sometimes sharing your story is the first step towards finding clarity and peace.