I want to go back to the „feeling nothing” stage
Hi everyone, and my English is still not perfect, I haven’t posted much since my last post added a more than a year ago „I fell in love with terminally ill girl” when I wanted to got something off my chest.
The end of my confession is something I can’t tell anyone, so I’m here…
After many I think I can call it „traumatic” events: cancer, losing my love of my life (she died almost 6 years ago and the history of it is in my post i mentioned earlier), kidnapped and raped by 3 men, assault with a knife and I just lost a spark in my eyes, I really wanted to end it and I tried but unsuccessful and I’m not going to try again, I found the another solution (please don’t take it as advise).
I started to take x@n@x, it fried my brain and my feelings and that was what I was looking for, after a few months I quit, I didn’t feel anything and it was great because I had too much negative emotions and less the good ones, I lived by the rules I’ve made up: work, collage, meeting with friends, learn how to be data analyst - as I’m now (from 6 months), the things my life was getting back on track and then the mother (like a mother for me more than my mother) of dead girl I loved died…
But
I (23F) open
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