Dikra Hooijschuur

@crazypeacock807906 · Jan 10, 2026 at 8:23 pm

I thought I’d finally figured it out; I suppose I was wrong

I really, really just don’t know. I’m not sure where my head is at, and I’d feel disingenuous saying anything contrary to that. Part of me feels like all of this is part of some plan intended to teach me something, but it’s hard for me (especially me) to believe that without proof.I thought I knew what I wanted.I thought I knew what was in front of me (I was going to say: “thought I knew what I had” but that felt unfair to say/assume).
But the only thing I know now is that I’m more alone than I thought I was.
I guess it might be something similar to, like, how an author might? Or maybe it’s closer to what a reader might feel regarding the one-sidedness of the creator-appreciator relationship.
I know for sure that what I felt before was *not* being “seen” or “felt.”
And when I encountered something else, something intellectually engaging, perhaps I mistook that for what I was specifically thinking about when I said I was “missing something”.
 I thought this new thing was what I wanted. But maybe it isn’t?That wouldn’t be anyone's fault but mine for having an expectation of a connection that felt somehow… whole.I still just feel so alone. And everything is so surface-level. It’s a ni