I bought porn even though I have a girlfriend then I had a bad dream and cried
I feel absolutely disgusted of myself. It was night and I saw some only fans creator post on Instagram and I decided to buy it. That's $20 that I will never get back and after I finished a sudden wave of regret hit me.
I feel like an absolute piece of shit if my girlfriend did this to me l would feel like shit, I hate myself for doing this
Then, when I went to sleep, I had a dream about me and my girlfriend and we were on a date and then she just suddenly collapsed and stopped breathing and I was crying so hard in the dream and when I woke up, I was even crying irl
It sounds like you're wrestling with guilt, and that's tough. The fact that you feel this way shows you care about your relationship. Consider talking to your girlfriend about your feelings if you think it could help. Facing these issues openly can lead to understanding and growth.